Post #11 Thinking back on my chilhood

I think how would people feel if they thought no one believed in them as a child ...My dad used to always say "You little bast--d you will never be worth a dam , you are worthless ... You will never be worth a dime...I still remember him saying that as if it was yesterday....  He told me that time and time again...So as a child I grew up believing I was worthless....It seemed the harder I tried to be a good person the harder life was for me....I was a mean child, the kids in my neighborhood would be playing football  and they would see me coming and stop playing and go home. Why I never knew until I became much  older and became friends with one of those kids that always stopped playing and went home...He told me we didn't dislike you we just didn't want to get hurt because you was so mean back then....I was always picked last to be on a team at school, why I never have figured out because i was good at sports,I guess they just didn't like me as well because i was so mean....But God has made me a better person...Growing up a poor,abused child is very hard, It makes you either strong or week....I thank God he made me strong ..

Post # 10 After Easter

Not long after that Easter we almost lost mom....She had blood clots in her legs and they moved..I am not sure how long she was in the hospital , but it seemed like forever...When we got home from school each day we (my older brother and I) would go to the hospital and sit in the waiting room most of the time , while dad visited mom...I remember the night they almost lost her,my dad seemed to be very upset and scared....I know he loved her,but how could he beat her like he did...Well he thought she was messing around,was she I can't say....I don't really know,at least I know where she was the night he beat her....I have always thought if you love someone how,how can you hit,kick and beat them ? Besides I know 2 wrongs don't make a right but he did it I know.I am not saying she did cheat on him but even if she would have why is it right for him to beat her.....While mom was in the hospital we would go hunting,coon hunting every night..He let my older brother and I start chewing snuff (tobacco) that was the start of my first addiction.